haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize