and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
