I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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