Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
