his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
