At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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