Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
