When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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