That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
