Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
