dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Panties = found
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
