When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
