1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
