i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
