We're like a lot better than the average bears
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize