why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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