Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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