There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
