So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
