Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
