Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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