Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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