i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize