Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
