Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
