dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
