btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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