dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
