fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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