You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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