is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
