for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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