One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she pinky promised me she was 18
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
