He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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