I think my fart just growled at me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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