Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
