Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
