there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
