Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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