ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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