Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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