so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
