he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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