I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
