help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
