Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize