what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
