Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
