Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
