dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Those nachos came to me in a dream
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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