Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
