I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
