His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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