Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize