we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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