I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
