Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
