So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i believe in u and ur pee
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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