i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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