Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
