when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
