Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Green mimosas i think yes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize