i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
