he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
