i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize