My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
