i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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