I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
