Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
