Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
