I just pynch a tree in the face
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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